Avoid eating pork products, i.e. bacon, ham, pork rinds, etc.
On that note, avoid cops.
Do not travel to Mexico.
Do not travel to Texas.
Do not travel to Queens.
Do not travel to the above two places anyway. If going to Mexico, please bring me.
Avoid contact with children - this includes all people under the age of 23 who may have gone on a Spring Break Cancun trip. Yvette, there goes your love life.
Wear a mask. But not one of those icky hospital blue ones - make sure they're chic for spring fashion - go with a nice taupe camo or bright Pucci print!!
If you DO exhibit symptoms of swine flu, commence immediately in milking it for all it's worth. Tell everyone you will probably die and start watching the flowers and emotive cards roll in. Perhaps try to get an appearance on Oprah or trip to Paris via the Swine Flu Foundation.
This has been a message from the Office of The Mayoress. You're welcome.
Posts
According to the World Health Organization and the U.S. government's Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have stressed that the virus is not transmitted by eating pork. So I can eat all the bacon I want!!
ReplyDeleteWoot Woot!!
Bacon Party at your place!!
ReplyDeleteHehe. Just hung out with some children on Tuesday. Apparently, after serving one on Saturday he'd been coming back in looking for me every night. So cute, but so dull. At least I'm done with Texas and Queens.
ReplyDelete