Friends Without Money

Here's a topic I think about constantly - even aside from the recession, as I get older, income and lifestyle among my circle of friends starts getting uneven. When we're in college and just out, the trend is to be cheap and then overspend on random occasions; the older we get, the smarter we get about money, thank goodness. All of my friends are from a middle class background, though we definitely range from lower-middle to upper.

And I see it in our current decisions. Being bohemian stops being cool after 26 for the friend that grew up in a nice suburb. The one with hippie parents never cares to upgrade from her Brooklyn studio. The one with still-married, solid income parents won't go below 1000 square feet when looking to buy a condo. The one from a humble background sees no need to drink anywhere other than a dive bar.

I hate it. I love that I'm a bargain hunter and relatively good with my money, but I hate talking about money, I think it's as tacky as talking about your diet (no, I do not need to hear about your latest cleanse). I hate that some of my friends literally make twice as much as I do. I hate that I sometimes make excuses not to go to dinner with my favorite friends because they pick a trendy (read: expensive) Meatpacking District restaurant. Instead of "inconveniencing" them, I consciously tip my social interaction toward my restaurant industry and artist friends, and especially my work friends who are also on paycuts and furloughs.

And I fear this will only get worse as we get older. My first friend to move to the NYC suburbs has an impossibly gorgeous house and nice car; some already have mountain or beach houses, even if it's due to parents rather than their own finances. And as women especially, who we date or marry really makes a difference. I hate to think that I'll miss out on group getaways or social events if I choose to keep working in the arts. I worry that I should have restricted my interest in the field to my weekends and gone corporate off the bat; wish my parents had been more aware of how these things go and explained it to me way back in high school. Although perhaps it was obvious. The problem with the American mantra of "Go for your dreams! The money will follow!" is that it just isn't that simple.

Anyway, this article on Slate is what got me thinking. Check it out.