LiveBlogging the Oscars

The only way I can get through this is to make fun of it. After all, nothing's more political than the Oscars.

Neil Patrick Harris: The Tony Awards called, you're on the wrong stage. Also, thanks Hollywood, for blatantly plagiarizing a great song from the *Broadway* musical Chicago.

This hosting pair brought to you by "Everything's Complicated" - now on DVD and Bluray!

"Who doesn't love Sandra Bullock?" Umm, who does?

Gabourey Sidibe: WORK IT GIRL.

Bullock in Marchesa, shocking.*

Why is Miley Cyrus presenting? Whyyyy??? Yes, I know, because she is a Disney star and ABC owns Disney, ugh, gross.

Does Amanda Seyfreid know she's wearing a wedding gown? Weird. I am NOT down with the white gown trend. Except for you Meryl, you are wonderful.

Crap, Amanda being on reminds me Big Love Season Finale is starting now. Even DVR can't solve this live TV conundrum.

Why are you at the Oscars list: Mariah Carey, Molly Ringwald, Sarah Jessica, Tina Fey, Jane Seymour, all of the Twilight people, Jennifer Lopez.

(One hour later) I see I missed nothing by switching the channel for an hour. In other news, Bill Hendrickson is a jerk.

And the award for Best Oscar-Related Facebook Status goes to Matthew Lopez for: LOVES the Oscars! Where else but in porn can you see dozens of people getting screwed at the same time from the comfort of your own home?

Best speech of the night by Sandy Powell, best costume design.

iPad ad debuts during Oscars, big surprise. And it's just like every other Apple ad ever, double surprise.**

How come the best/worst dressed has to be all about the women? Let's call out the guys whose suits aren't cut properly or whose tuxes scream 2006... if we don't the anti-gays have won.

Averting eyes during horror montage... seriously.

Clearly this Twilight chick or whoever the girls in the "blush" dress is never had any voice training. That or she went to the Scarlett Johannssen School of Acting. Liz Banks just wiped the floor with her.***

Can you imagine being up against your ex for best director??

This Australian presenting with J-Lo needs a shot or something. Wake up dude.

This dance piece is mostly yawn but the Up interlude choked me up a bit. I was crying 10 minutes into that movie.

That's it I can't take any more - going to bed before all the main awards. Mayoress Oscar Mandate for next year: the people have spoken.


The Mayoress Picks VS Winners
Who I would vote for, not who I actually think is going to win. Big note: I believe the award should go to the best job done, NOT whoever's had the longest career or hasn't won yet. It should be a performance you can't imagine anyone else doing better.

BEST PICTURE: District 9

BEST DIRECTOR: Kathryn Bigelow – The Hurt Locker

BEST ACTOR: Morgan Freeman – Invictus

BEST ACTRESS: Gabourey Sibide – Precious

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR: Christoph Waltz – Inglourious Basterds (won)

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS: Mo’Nique – Precious (won)

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE: Fantastic Mr Fox – Wes Anderson (winner: Up)

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY: Inglourious Basterds

BEST COSTUME DESIGN: Coco before Chanel (winner: Young Victoria)

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Best Dressed According to The Mayoress
Vera Farmiga
Meryl Streep
Sandy Powell!!!!

*Marchesa happens to be the label of Harvey Weinstein's wife. Funny how no one wore it until they were married. Funny how only stars in Weinstein Company films wear it. Note to emerging designers: skip Project Runway and marry a studio head.

**And if this were my marketing blog that doesn't exist yet, I would give them snaps for sticking with their brand - note to all my clients - if it ain't broke...

***In honor of Hollywood, Name Drop Time! I totally met Elizabeth Banks before she was famous, at a party after she was in Bus Stop at Williamstown. Not only was she marvelous on stage, she was very sweet and charming in person. All the best to you my dear!