Apparently, the World is Ending Tomorrow...

... at 6pm, by the way.

What, you didn't hear?!  Oh, it's all over the place, even in the New York Times!  Like, see, this guy Harold Camping? He taught himself the Bible? And decided the world would obv start ending Saturday May 21 at 6pm with the rapture of all the Christians and then the rest of us/you would be left to, like, endure five months of plagues and stuff.  Gross!

This whole world-ending-tomorrow thing is throwing me for a loop.  I mean, I have so many questions that no one is answering!

• Am I going to be raptured if I was "saved" or "born again" as a child, but no longer practice Christianity in the traditional sense?
• Should I cancel my date for tomorrow night, or at least inform my poor suitor that I may not show up for our 9pm reservation because I'll have floated up to heaven 3 hours prior?
• Do I get points for acts of goodness, like the cat I saved from a raccoon trap yesterday?  (And by "save" I mean found and told someone else about who did the actual releasing from said trap?)
• Do I get extra points for acts of goodness that would probably be considered more Christian by Camping & Co, like when I handed out flyers condemning abortion in 4th grade?  Thanks for letting me do that, parents!
• What about acts of goodness that hearken back to what the Bible actually talks about Jesus doing and telling people to do, like when I volunteer or donate to those in need, or you know, show love and kindness to people whether I want to or not?  Doesn't count because I don't go to church though right?
• I'm registered as a Democrat, is that going to hold me up at heaven's security gate?
• Should I write a quick will and some goodbye emails or will it just be total chaos anyway, nullifying legal contracts and Google accounts?
• If all my dreams come true in heaven, can all my pagan friends join me?

I need answers, people, and for some reason, none of the doomsayers are bothering to tell me!

Because let's be honest: these people do not a) believe the world is ending and that they are really being raptured tomorrow, or, more to my point, b) give a shit about anyone else (the Bible refers to this as loving others as you love yourself; the American Christians often translate this to trying to save non-believers).

Because if a) were the case, they would be going way more crazy and being way less or way more responsible in these final days.  If you really, truly thought you had 24 hours left on this earth, what would you be doing with your time?  Surely not reading this blog, for starters.

And if b) were the case, they wouldn't be walking past me on the street with just a tee shirt and a smug look.  They would be begging, pleading, crying, not sleeping, to save everyone they love and probably everyone else they could possibly talk to from the horrible alternate, permanent fate.

Because, let's be honest: this is all a marketing campaign for FamilyRadio.com.  So, as a fellow marketer, I will hand it to Harold Camping for his brilliant strategy to get tons of free advertising and publicity and new audiences.  But as far as marketing ethics are concerned, I hope that as of 6pm tomorrow, he's indeed not heard from again.