Enough With the Selective Boycotting.

Ever since the Chris Brown-Rihanna incident, I've made a personal decision to never buy his music or in any other (conscious) way support his business financially.  Because of her response to the incident, especially as a role model for young women and in particular young black women, I also don't buy anything by Rihanna and change the station when her music comes on.  I can't listen to her without thinking about men beating up women and how terrible that is.

I'm inspired that so many people are boycotting and calling out Chick Fil-A for its CEO's hatemongering toward the LGBT community.  (I want to vomit that Bloomberg actually said it's not government's job to get in the way of beliefs of a corporation.  Um, yes it is.  If a restaurant were blocking women, or patrons of a given race, or those with disabilities, it would be a major problem and the government would most certainly be involved.)

But Chris Brown and Rihanna are also businesses.  So is Charlie Sheen (spousal abuse), Sean Penn (spousal abuse), Roman Polanski (sexual abuse), Woody Allen (child abuse, I'd say), etc etc.  If you are against it in life, don't fiscally support the perpetrator of it in leisure.

I'm not going to overlook horrific behavior, especially when people are unrepentant, just because I might enjoy something that an artist produces.  Once I find out about someone of influence doing something really damaging, I just can't enjoy their work anymore anyway.

In the U.S., we vote with our wallets.  So let's all be aware of what we're paying for.  It may not be easy - I love Target but had to push myself to switch stores as much as possible when it came out (ha!) that it was funding an anti-gay organization.  Honestly, I'd rather just shop at Target and tell myself my little purchase doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.  But integrity is just more important.

I could be better at this.  I read the expose on workers' conditions in Apple factories in China on my iPhone with only a twinge of guilt.  But this isn't a pick-your-cause thing.  Even if you're not part of the group that's being hated on - I've never been abused, I'm not gay, I'm not a factory worker, etc - it's truly all connected.  If we allow one company to discriminate based on X, what's to stop another company from discriminating based on Y?  We need to have each other's backs as a society.

Newsflash: My Demographic Doesn't Favor Romney

Shocking, I know.

This post by my favorite Jezebel is hilarious.

"Even though single people's strong preference for President Obama could tip the election away from the GOP, Romney campaign needn't fret. The election's still four months away, and there's still plenty of time to nominate a running mate that will appeal to single women — Channing Tatum wearing glasses, perhaps, or the song "Call Me Maybe" (what do you mean the constitution doesn't allow politicians to nominate musical compositions for office? Stupid activist court system)."


Well, I suppose if the GOP can make a VP out of Christian Bale making me dinner while reading me O Magazine and queuing up the latest ep of True Blood, I could sway right.  


Then again, probably not.

Ode to Lisa Bloom

I cannot recommend Lisa Bloom's book Think highly enough.  It's one of the most personally influential books I have read this year.  Every woman must read it, and men should pick it up too.

The jist of Lisa's book in two words is: read more.  The point is that women are still unequal because we give up our power in so many ways, ie caring more about celebrities than current events, giving away our time by allowing spouses/live-in partners to do less of the housework and child rearing, reality TV, errands and chores that just aren't worth our time.

"Women's accomplishments are rarely celebrated in our media unless the 'accomplishment' is in one of these five areas: appearance, romance, marriage, pregnancy, or babies."

This book allowed me to exhale.  As a single woman with Patti Stanger yelling in my ear that looking hot is all that matters, it was such a breath of fresh air to remember how wonderful it is to embrace being smart.  As you can see from the book cover, Lisa gets that this culture won't allow us to completely dial out of exterior-consciousness, but she candidly shares her own experiences being subject to attractiveness standards (and maintenance!) as a TV personality, and has struck an admirable balance.

I actually got rid of cable after reading Think.  I still watch TV online - but it's more likely that I'll also watch a documentary on Netflix than collapse into a Housewives marathon.  The amount and quality and frequency of my reading has vastly improved in the past couple months.  Not to mention doing more writing - and look! - blogging.  And just like when you eat more vegetables and less candy, I just feel better.

My only issue with the book is that it's definitely for people from the middle class or above -- hiring a housekeeper to create more time or buying pre-cut vegetables just isn't going to happen for a single mom struggling at minimum wage.  But for the women I know, both peers and those younger who are creating their paths, I truly hope they'll take the time to explore the issues Lisa so smartly explores and brings to light.

You go, girls.

--

Update!  The inspiration to finally write this post was that @LisaBloom tweeted she was on a local radio show - I called in and got on!  Thanked her for all she's doing and asked about her recommendations for female mentorship.  Too awesome.  Never would have happened if I was watching Bravo.  Just sayin'. ;)

The Herman Cain Thing.

I don't really care about Herman Cain; from where I stand today, Romney's taking it anyway (more on that later).

I'm really upset - in a throw up my hands and walk away way - that the American public and media is automatically suspicious instead of compassionate when a woman has the courage to come forward about alleged harassment.  Who the hell would want to go through all the mess of accusing a famous person of harassment or rape or anything in between, even for a big payday?

We have got to change this culture of victim blaming.  We need to take these accusations seriously.  We should run any man who treats women poorly out of town, much less elect him to office. We need to create a culture where women are respected - then these things won't happen in the first place.

Winning Emmy's & Taking Names

Huzzah!  Once again, SVU triumphs, only this time in REAL LIFE!  Check it out.

As awful things go, few things trump the fact that thousands of rape kits never go tested.  Can you imagine surviving a rape, having the courage to report it right after the fact without even showering before you go to the hospital, and then going through the further torturous, prodding, multi-hour process of a rape kit... and then it never even gets tested?  How can law enforcement sleep at night?!  Benson and Stabler would never allow this.

In light of the rape kit backlog, it seems fair to ask: Why should we put women through hours of an invasive procedure if we don't follow through and test their kits? The last thing anyone wants is for news of the rape kit backlog to discourage women from coming forward to have a rape kit collected.

And while testing rape kits is important to advance investigations, it also sends an important message: It shows victims that their cases -- and their pain and their anguish -- matter.

Fortunately, the doing-good-in-real-life team at SVU, Executive Producer Neal Baer and the divine Mariska Hargitay (who also runs Joyful Heart, an amazing organization that helps survivors of domestic abuse), is beginning a campaign to help solve this.  Now that's using your influence for good.

The Latest (but hardly new) Assault on Women

I don't know what's making me so particularly interested in feminist issues lately.  Well, yes I do: I'm female, and I have experienced nearly every benefit and drawback of being a woman in modern America.  Yes!  Free drinks, rides home, doors opened!  No!  Taken less seriously professionally, being scrutinized for personal choices, being called a bitch for behavior for which men are respected, even applauded!

But hats (heels) off to Debrahlee Lorenzana, who's catching everyone's shit in a big way.  This exact scenario happened to a friend of mine a few years ago (also in finance, hmm) - hotter than her coworkers, she gets blamed for her coworkers' reactions.  At first you're like, yeah, to have such problems... but it runs both ways. 

Bad Business Bureau

Email from The Mayoress to Things Remembered:

I noticed that on the flask page the categories you can filter by for recipient are all male (except "boss," although in this context it would seem you intend "boss" to be "male"). That's both sexist and bad business. I'll now proceed to slam you on Facebook, Twitter, and my blog, not that you know what these things are, because apparently this company thinks it's still the 19th century.

Sincerely,
CP

Another Glowing Example of Exemplary Christianity

In case anyone ever needs to vomit voluntarily, I highly recommend this interview in Christianity Today with former Miss California, Carrie Prejean. You're welcome, swallowers of turpentine and glue!

Get such insights as...
* The appropriate age to release a sex tape!
* Why gay people are acceptable as hairdressers!
* That God approves breast implants! But not gays!
* Why honesty is always a foolproof policy! Hey, you know who else was honest? Hitler!
* How the pros train you to answer pageant questions!

If only it explained why pageants are acceptable at all, on any level, in this day and age! Awesome!!

Jail Time

How is it at all okay that Roman Polanski hasn't served time for raping a 13-year-old girl? Oh, because you like his movies? Oh, okay then.

I'm pretty far on one side of the Famous People Committing Crimes debate. Or not acting responsibly when they're related to one. I seriously can't even hear Rihanna's voice anymore... wait, that's pretty much the same as before the whole Chris Brown thing. Love your style though girl, keep it poppin'!

Article.

Flaunt It If You've Got It

Maj props to Latoya Peterson for her hilarious open letters re Diva Michelle wearing shorts. REAL NEWS PEOPLE!!

Dear Americans who actually voted in these polls/tuned into specifically watch shorts commentary:

You better not be the same mofos forwarding around emails about Muslim invasions forcing everyone to cover up and wear burkinis. Check yourself: You are asking if it is appropriate for a woman to wear shorts. She's a grown ass woman! She covered her arms, what more do you want? I am sick of this madness. Don't let me see you in the street, because I'm smacking people on principle.

-Latoya

Double props because she mentions Cary Fukunaga's brilliant movie Sin Nombre. Netflix queue that shiz.

Pelosi Power

At the women's caucus where the very charming Christine Pelosi, daughter of Nancy, is talking to us about women in politics and running for office. Her new book is Campaign Boot Camp, and being in politics since birth definitely qualifies her on the subject. Plus she's a super-delegate!

This is why God invented Jameson

“The Paradox of Declining Female Happiness,” the subject of a provocative paper from the economists Betsey Stevenson and Justin Wolfers... is fascinating not only because of what it shows, but because the authors deliberately avoid floating an easy explanation for their data.

Full article.

Oh, I thought I was unhappy because men in New York have stopped buying women drinks, I make entry-level salary, apartments in my neighborhood start at $700K, and bikini season is upon us. Sounds like an easy enough explanation to me.

*post title inspired by: you know who you are.

Because What's More Political Than Sex?

Fascinating article on a new book about the fascinating Helen Gurley Brown, who I, until now, did not realize was fascinating because I'd deeply buried a disparaging comment from my mom (from at least 15 years ago) in my subconscious. While I can see why a mother would have wanted to keep her teenage daughter far from Cosmo, I must also ask you, dear reader, who wouldn't want HGB for - well, maybe not a mom, but at least that cool aunt that your mom is terrified to let you visit?

At her most radical, Brown was a subversive rather than a revolutionary; a sexual libertarian rather than a liberator; and an unapologetic partisan of free enterprise. (She once called Margaret Thatcher a “Cosmo Girl.”) “How could any woman not be a feminist?” she wondered, in 1985, in an interview on her twentieth anniversary at Cosmopolitan. “The girl I’m editing for wants to be known for herself. If that’s not a feminist message, I don’t know what is.”

I would also like to note that I happen to be wearing practically the same dress as the one in this photo.

Supreme Speculation

Check out Slate's list of top Justice prospects - all chicks. I mean women.

I would not like the job, although I do enjoy wearing black.

I would also like to nominate Casey Novack, who continually kicks ass.

SVU in Real Life

A very important editorial from the divine Mr. Kristof:

Solomon Moore, a colleague of mine at The Times, last year wrote about a 43-year-old legal secretary who was raped repeatedly in her home in Los Angeles as her son slept in another room. The attacker forced the woman to clean herself in an attempt to destroy the evidence.

Tim Marcia, the detective on the case, thought this meant that the perpetrator was a habitual offender who would strike again. Mr. Marcia rushed the rape kit to the crime lab but was told to expect a delay of more than one year.

So Mr. Marcia personally drove the kit 350 miles to deliver it to the state lab in Sacramento. Even there, the backlog resulted in a four-month delay — but then it produced a “cold hit,” a match in a database of the DNA of previous offenders.

Yet in the months while the rape kit sat on a shelf, the suspect had allegedly struck twice more. Police said he broke into the homes of a pregnant woman and a 17-year-old girl, sexually assaulting each of them.

I assume you're as nauseous as I am that in some countries, women are put to death for being rape victims. But how far ahead is the U.S. if this is how we're dealing with our own?

Read full article.

Don't Miss This

From the upcoming Sunday Magazine - just beautiful.

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

Do not, I repeat, do not lend your hard-earned recession era money toward the box office gross for terrible-on-several-levels flick "He's Just Not That Into You."

I sat through it, but like lunch at the sketchy Chinese place on 7th Avenue, I felt a certain discomfort afterward. I couldn't put my finger on it, but the review I read in L Magazine explained it perfectly.

It takes 2 minutes to read - better than wasting 2 hours of your life trying to figure out when Johannsen got her boob job.

Read it here.

Financial Report

Ciara wonders if it's post feminism if Suze Orman has sexy cheerleaders on her show.

Stand By Your Man

“If your monthly Bergdorf’s allowance has been halved and bottle service has all but disappeared from your life...”

Are you fucking kidding me?

I'm sorry, but it's hard to feel bad for the laid-off when the chief sacrifice is bottle service.

I expected to feel the crunch on the social scene where finance guys would inevitably stop offering to buy drinks... then I remembered that men in Manhattan stopped buying drinks long ago, and I live in Williamsburg, where guys stare at you blankly when your drink nears empty, fully expecting you to bring them home anyway.

From the actual Dating A Banker Anonymous blog:
Thanks to the recession, I now have a completely devoted BF, which is exactly what I wanted. So I should be happy, right? Wrong. I’m bored and can’t stop thinking about my perpetually unattainable Euro ex-boyfriend who is recession proof courtesy of an offshore trust account.

I'm soooo sorry your titanium Amex got canceled. See you at Loehmann's.

In all seriousness, the enemy here is not the women in this article. It's the fact that while women are banding together to figure out how to get through this, it would never, ever cross men's minds to form a group to see their women through any sort of crisis, let alone this economy.

Raoul Felder, the Manhattan divorce lawyer, said that cases involving financiers always stack up as the economy starts to slip, because layoffs and shrinking bonuses place stress on relationships — and, he said, because “there aren’t funds or time for mistresses any more.”

Puke.

Savage on Palin

I absolutely adore Dan Savage. He started a love and sex advice column in Seattle's The Stranger weekly yeeeeears ago, and I've only recently got on the Savage train via his podcast, The Savage Lovecast. I'm reading the archives of his weekly column right now, and came across this gem from September, which makes a great point (in bold below). Read this, then go get the podcast (it's free!).

The 17-year-old daughter of Sarah Palin, the GOP's vice-presidential nominee, is pregnant. The news was released by the McCain camp during a busy week—a hurricane, the Republican National Convention, Dick Cheney getting us into a war with Russia—so it didn't receive the coverage it deserved. To recap:

Seventeen-year-old Bristol Palin got her ass knocked up five or so months ago by 18-year-old Levi Johnston. Among the hobbies listed on Levi's since-yanked MySpace page—"fishing, shoot some shit, and just fuckin' chillin'"—was this revealing tidbit: "I don't want kids." But Bristol, says her mom, "made the decision on her own to keep the baby," and is now engaged to Levi "Shootin' Shit" Johnston.

As the adoptive parent of a child born to a pair of unwed teenagers, I'm certainly not in favor of abortion in all circumstances. But I believe that it's a choice teenagers should be able to make for themselves—with input from their families whenever possible—and, so it seems, does the GOP's VP nominee. Sarah Palin is pleased that her daughter made the decision—on her own—to keep the baby.

But Sarah Palin doesn't believe that other girls should be able to make their own decisions. Sarah Palin believes abortion should be illegal in almost every instance—including rape and incest. So Bristol Palin is being celebrated for making a choice that Sarah Palin would like to take away from all other American women. Apparently, today's GOP believes that choice is a special right reserved for the wayward daughters of Republican elected officials.

Oh, and Sarah Palin also believes that birth control shouldn't be made available to teenagers, she opposes medically accurate sex education, and she backs abstinence-until- marriage sex "education."

Sigh.

The GOP has poured hundreds of millions of dollars into abstinence "education" programs during the Bush years. I believe this enormous investment of public funds begs the obvious question: Is our children abstaining? Sarah Palin's aren't. Despite this massive outlay on the part of the American taxpayer and the example set by her Christian parents, Bristol Palin became sexually active while still in high school. Excuse me, but if abstinence education can't keep the daughter of the evangelical governor of Alaska off the cock, what hope is there for the daughters—and some of the sons—of average Americans?

I'm a cad for writing this, of course, because shortly before Bristol and Levi were paraded before cheering throngs at the Republican National Convention, the Palins asked the media to respect their daughter's privacy.

Another special right: When it comes to respecting your family's privacy, Palin and the GOP see no need. They want to micromanage the most intimate aspects of your private life. And if their own kids fail to live up to the standards that Palin and the GOP seek to impose on your family, well, that's a private matter between the Palins, their daughter, their God, and the thousands of screaming imbeciles in elephant hats waving McCain/Palin signs on the floor of the Republican National Convention.