Finally, Someone Designed an Ecard Just for Me

On Despair

I'm not going to lie, it's been a tough month. The mental, emotional, and physical energy it's taken to train for the marathon, work on my business, evaluate some relationships, go back to Oregon for a week, and get rid of all my vices for the pre-marathon taper (read: my most loony week of the year) kicked my ass, and it's taken a daily diet of writing, meditation, affirmation, and inspired action to maintain some semblance of sanity.

And I'm not the only one. It seems everyone in my circle is a little off, from colds that won't go away to continued unemployment to just feeling out of it. So I'm not surprised that this article hit #1 on the Times most-emailed list. Give it a read.

“A human being is a synthesis of the infinite and the finite, of the temporal and the eternal, of freedom and necessity.” Despair occurs when there is an imbalance in this synthesis. From there Kierkegaard goes on to present a veritable portrait gallery of the forms that despair can take. Too much of the expansive factor, of infinitude, and you have the dreamer who cannot make anything concrete. Too much of the limiting element, and you have the narrow minded individual who cannot imagine anything more serious in life than bottom lines and spread sheets.

Though it will make the Bill Mahers of the world wince, despair according to Kierkegaard is a lack of awareness of being a self or spirit. A Freud with religious categories up his sleeves, the lyrical philosopher emphasized that the self is a slice of eternity. While depression involves heavy burdensome feelings, despair is not correlated with any particular set of emotions but is instead marked by a desire to get rid of the self, or put another way, by an unwillingness to become who you fundamentally are...

He goes on to discuss the American Dream, or in my interpretation, the way our national ambition can be a source of anxiety as much as accomplishment. If all the Kiyosaki-ans weren't so determined to BUY HOUSES NOW!, would the mortgage crisis have been so bad? Why do we all deserve whatever we can dream up? Have the American Idols and Biggest Losers made uber-success closer, or just dangled it in front of people who might be better off being content with what they've already got?

I like that the Times has the Happy Times blog to discuss the cultural climate and offer some wisdom.

Do Atheists Need to Market?

After church on Sunday, Flora brought up the subway posters up lately that essentially advertise atheism. She thought they were pretty unnecessary - what's the point in advertising an opt-out? I somewhat disagreed, bringing up how much religion, primarily Christianity, influences our laws and elections, and so atheists need a seat at the table. Ironically, Flora is an atheist and I grew up very Christian. And we went to service at a Unitarian church.

This blog post by Randy Cohen, aka The Ethicist, on discussing religion touches on what I was trying to get at:

My political beliefs, my ideas about social justice, are as deeply held as my critics’ religious beliefs, but I don’t ask them to treat me with reverence, only civility. They should not expect me to walk on tiptoe. It is not as if religious institutions occupy a precarious perch in American life. It is not the proclaimed Christian but the nonbeliever who is unelectable to high office in this era when politicians of every party and denomination make a public display of their faith.

What do you think? Should religion be sacred? How about when it crosses over into politics? When it affects you, your children's education, your community?

Person of the Day: Judy Lobo

Thanks to Erica for bringing this blog to my attention. I'll be emailing the full text of this to all my NYC peeps.

‘I know, I know — but’ - is the response I have been getting from all of my friends when I tell them that I am not voting for Mayor Michael Bloomberg. Some friends look away with a momentary guilty look. Some hang their heads down and say ‘but I don’t like the other guy (Bill Thompson).’ Some just say ‘ well, he cannot be bought.’ To all of them, I say, as Rachel Maddow always says, ‘Bull Hockey.’

Here is why I am not voting for Mayor Mike.

Read Judy's seven dead-on reasons.

Cory, We Are So Over.

Oh. Hm. I have always been of fan of Cory Booker, Newark's mayor, not just because he is hot and as a single mayor provides one of the few opportunities for me to become an actual mayoress without running for office, but like so many men in the tri-state, I severely overestimated him.

On April 17, Mr. Booker, a Democrat, crossed party and state lines by endorsing Mr. Bloomberg, an independent running as a Republican, in Harlem. About a month later, Mr. Bloomberg’s longtime accountant contributed $26,000 — the maximum allowable — to Mr. Booker’s re-election committee next year, according to campaign finance records.

Full article.

LiveBlogging the Mayoral Debate

(refresh to see latest thoughts)

Watch it here.

Didn't tune in until 7:40 so I missed the bulk of it, but gotta say I'm quite impressed by Thompson, he's super prepared and holding his own; he's in it to win it.

I love how they're both pulling out their NY dialects even though Mike is from Boston.

Mike claims he's in touch with the average New Yorker because he once had a small business. Thompson rebuts by pointing out that his policies are pushing the middle class out of their neighborhoods. (Bloomberg's development incentives in my neighborhood are the very reason why I no longer have the lovely cityscape view I once had.)

Mike says immigrants will pull us out of the recession. WHAT?! Cheap labor is the answer? How about jobs for those of us who are already here?? Still waiting on that help for the economy Mike, or are you too loyal to your paying customers, aka the investment banks?

Thompson really is rocking it. I have to admit, I underestimated him. Probably because it's hard to drown out the $83 billion + in Bloomberg marketing cacophony.

"I think I'll be kind and give him a D-," Thompson on grading how the mayor has done.

Remember, I think it was the '05 election, when Bloomberg didn't even show up to the debates? Like he even has to. SIGH.

The NYT is All Up in Your Marathon!

Ho! Juliet Macur just called y'all out! Her article in today's Times about slow marathon runners, I must say, is awesome because it's good journalism. She does a good job of explaining arguments for both sides: if you are super slow, what the hell are you doing in a marathon? Versus: 26.2 is 26.2, regardless of time.

Being a six-time marathoner, I'm in the first camp. My PR is 4:02 and my slowest was 4:48, which turns out to be good in the grand scheme as the current women's average is 4:43. But in 1980, it was 4:03.

This year, my excitement at running NYC on 11/1 is very much undermined by the fact that I did not earn my marathon this year. After burning out last year, I took months out and was slow to begin training this year. I was pretty diligent in August, but September was completely off track (pun intended), until a few weeks ago when I just couldn't resist the unique opportunity to race on my birthday. I ran 18 on Wednesday and know I'll get through it, but nowhere near my dream time of breaking 4 hours. If I finish under 5, I'll be thankful.

The best argument for the speedies to keep the slowpokes is that they're funding the race (NYC cost $165 this year - robbery!). But guess what? Real runners don't need the bells and whistles that come with running a big race like New York. Sure, it's fun to have two million fans along the course (except the overeager fans who seep in from the sidewalks in Harlem and near Atlantic Street, STAND BACK WE'RE F'ING TIRED!!), as a purist, my favorite race was the Newport (Oregon) Marathon, just the runners and the scenery. It means more when you work hard.

Then again, if the New York Road Runners would finally enforce the "no headphones in races" rule, I'd personally recruit the walkers. Don't. Get. Me. Started. But for serious, if people who had "marathon" on their bucket list would look at it more like "writing a book" and less like "visit Berlin", we'd have a lot less tourists and a lot more people who respect the time, dedication, and heart it takes to run the race.


~Addendum~
Truth be told, I came back in and edited this post after reading the article's comments -- if you give it your very best, you deserve to be there. I didn't this year, I'll be the first to admit it. I'll still show up, but I have more respect for anyone finishing after me that sacrificed over the past months or even years to kick 26.2 ass next Sunday.

Be Still My Style Heart

Nice pictorial on How to Get Michelle Obama's Style for Less on ivillage.com. Looks like I'll have to re-subscribe to the Spiegel catalogue. What is this, 1994?!

Obama Endorses Thompson!

The headline says it all folks! Even the POTUS has to speak out when a mayor makes a power grab that flies in the face of democracy.

Oh Crap I Forgot to Photoshop Myself This Morning

Check out this interesting blog post by the Times' resident Ethicist, Randy Cohen, on the rampant photo altering in the fashion & beauty industries. I really like the analogy he makes to car ads, and the consequent argument that it's false advertising.

There is the counterargument that fashion ads are inherently false: preternaturally beautiful models are worked over by makeup artists and hair stylists, illuminated by lighting designers and shot by sophisticated photographers. In such a context, where can we draw the line on deceit? Here’s where: with the electronic manipulation of a photograph. It may be an arbitrary limit, but we set arbitrary limits all the time. The 55-mile-an-hour speed limit draws on the knowledge of traffic engineers, but it is not a manifestation of some immutable law of nature.

It could also be argued that a labeling law, equitably applied, would require warnings on nearly all ads, including those that alter reality in other ways. For example, few roads are as serenely traffic-free as those in car commercials (and indeed some automobile ads on TV already note that they were photographed on a closed course). But here’s the distinction: Although that open road deliberately conveys a bogus sense of driving delight, the road itself is not the product. The car is the product. In fashion ads, however, whether for clothes or makeup or shampoo, the model’s beauty is the product, or at least the direct result the product is meant to achieve. Because that beauty cannot be obtained via the proffered merchandise but only through a tricked-out photo, this is a case of false advertising.

Everyone's Favorite Topic!

Is everyone kidding me right now?

According to MSNBC, people are upset because Teen Vogue has a pregs teen on the cover. Hello, she's gorgeous. Hello, they didn't know she was pregs during the shoot and as we now know from watching the excellent doc "The September Issue" (in theaters now!), it costs way too much to re-do a cover shoot. And hello, if your teen role model is a model, your risk of teen pregnancy is probably already through the roof.

Why don't they point THIS out: if her feature article profiled her decision NOT to have the baby, imagine how the conservatives' heads would spin THEN.

It's 2009. Do people really think women of all ages aren't getting pregnant all the time, married or not? Aren't we past this yet?

And because everything has to happen in threes, last night I was borderline shocked to hear the pregnant Kardashian even utter the word "abortion" on the ep where she's deciding whether to have her baby. It's like Hollywood kryptonite, which is just amazingly backwards.

But that's a reality(ish) show. I'm so annoyed that people on TV and in movies don't deal with the news of pregnancy the way people like them in real life would. It's the reason I refused to see "Knocked Up." The only reason I can bear "Accidentally on Purpose" is the brilliant Lennon Parham as the quirky sister, but you know that in real life no 30-something single urban career woman would just suddenly decide to keep a pregnancy without seriously considering abortion.

Now, the residue of growing up fundamentalist Christian is that I'm still highly uncomfortable with the idea of abortion. But I am politically pro-choice, because people who are smarter than I am are and I know a lot of my former opinions were a result of radical conservativism (the three being that I came across my parent's copy of Chuck Swindoll's "The Sanctity of Life" while watching a particularly preachy ep of SVU last night. Hmm, I guess that's four. Quadruplets!).

So let's talk about real life, or at least as much as we can while protecting privacy. I'm personally lucky that I've never been pregnant, but every single woman I know who has become pregnant when not purposely trying has either aborted or personally visited an abortion clinic, and that includes my friends that you still see at church every Sunday.

My point is that if we all acknowledged what's actually going on in the world instead of ideas and ideals (I suppose that could apply to nearly every right-wing hot point), we'd be in a much better place to actually deal with what's going on and develop strategies (contraception, education, counseling), to make things work better.

300th Post!!

300th Post! 300th Post!! In honor of it, I will review the movie "300". Ha ha just kidding, I never saw that movie.

Kids, What's the Obsession?

Ooh! Ooh! Story on NPR about choosing to be childless! As someone who's never wanted to have children, loooove it. This is a choice that's rarely covered in the news, but one nearly everyone makes. The story's called "Kids, What's the Obsession?"

My sister and brother are 8 and 10 years younger than I am. Until I left for college, I was more of a parent to them than a sibling; I had a hand in raising them (chew with your mouth closed! save your allowance! wear sunscreen!) and loved it. And after baby-sitting my way through junior high and high school, I kind of feel like I've been through it.

Yesssss, I know "it's different when you have your own." But ever since I realized there was a choice, I just didn't want my own.

Thank goodness we're in a time and I live in a culture where this is a very valid decision. Still, I can't believe it when I'm on a date or talking to a guy my age and reveal my choice to be childless and this look of horror, this judgmental aghastness, comes over them. Hello, this is a completely different decision for a man than a woman. If I could be the dad, I'd probably be in. But until a child is crying in a restaurant and everyone glares at daddy, until women are making the same cashmoney allowing men to stay home, until a 7-pound human can push out of a penis, I'm out. And I definitely roll my eyes everytime a guy says he would be pregnant if he could. Riiiiight. Let me tell you, after a decade of contraception, it's hard to suddenly hope you don't menstruate. Just sayin'.

I don't hate children (I do however, have a strong distaste for obnoxious parents). On the contrary, the older I get, the more I like them and the more they seem to like me. I'm nothing less than obsessed with my nephew August, and I start campaigning for godmother the second one of my friends gets pregnant or married.

Besides the satisfaction at being an aunt, my personal reasons for not wanting my own children include: pregnancy and childbirth sounds like absolutely no fun to me - I prefer my self-elected pain in the form of marathon running; the prevalence of divorce in my world and not wanting to put kids through that or ever be a single mom; not at all being drawn to the identity of "mom"; not needing to be a catalyst for anyone's therapy; my hobbies include going to the theater and discovering the kinds of restaurants & bars that don't have playrooms; my dislike for stepping on Fisher-Price products. Have you ever tried to run with a baby jogger?! It's no walk in the park (ahem).

That said, I'm 30, my biological clock might blow up any day. So my tubes are intact, I understand that things can always change. But I imagine I'd favor adoption and I think I'd be a kickass foster mom.

It angers me when people ignorantly claim it's selfish not to have (biological) children. What could be more selfish than needing to see what you look like as a little one then living vicariously through it for at least 18 years? These people usually recoil at the idea of adoption, which is the truly unselfish choice (though unfairly expensive). Of course, my own upbringing, being raised by a stepfather and loving my half-siblings wholly, very much informs this opinion. And especially being alone on the East Coast, my family is Tina, Nicolle, and my other friends who are there for me on a daily basis. Family is what you make it.

Other interesting child-free reasons out there include:

Consider yourself an environmentalist? The best thing you can do is not bring another polluter in the world. Yes, I agree, this would be an extreme singular reason not to have children, but it's a reasonable answer to the notion that it's "selfish" to not have children.

Money, money, money. It costs something like 350K to raise a child. I'd rather sponsor a few, take my nephew to the zoo, and then take a two-week (child-free) vacation.

Does this mean that as Mayoress, I won't support families with children? Hardly. My job will be to represent my constituency, not my personal situation.

(Although it seems more fair to me that I should get tax deductions for not putting another person in the public school system, not the other way around.)

In conclusion, please use a blanket when breast-feeding in public.

Sense of Entitlement, Gen-Y Edition

This article about 24-year-old twins Kristy and Katie Barry really got under my skin. Inaccurately titled, "Jobs Wanted, Any Jobs at All," it's all about how they haven't been able to find jobs as journalists. Hello, they're entry level. Hello, there are plenty of experienced journalists who need a job right now, ones with families to support and 401Ks to fund. And hello, they DO have jobs, as bartenders. As someone who subsidized her dream career with restaurant work well after I landed in the city, it's really, really hard to feel sorry for these girls. And I love how their career objectives include "have our own TV show." Honestly? Yes, just out of college, this is a completely viable plan. I suggest these girls move back to Ohio and apply for The Real World. They can even use their college skills and write about the experience. Problem solved!

BTW, what are they doing in that top left picture? Maybe they can get a weekend gig posing for figure drawing classes. In what world do large-breasted twentysomething blondes have a legitimately difficult time with, well, anything? Hmm, maybe Flora knows...

Currently Carnivorous

Here's a great article on vegetarianism in today's Times by Jonathan Safran Foer (his "Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close" is one of my favorite novels).

He talks about something that isn't often mentioned on the topic - a lot of us are meat eaters because we can conveniently ignore the extreme problems of the farming industry. I'm the first to admit that I have little ethical dilemma with hiring someone to kill animals for me, from fishermen to exterminators, but the time I had to kill a mouse I had to administer a mini-funeral out of guilt.

While we're on the topic, few things are as annoying to me as people calling themselves vegetarian when they eat fish. In what sense are fish not animals? In diet as in life, if we put as much effort into acting as we did into self-labeling, imagine how much more we'd actually accomplish.

Love this quote in the article: "more important than reason in shaping habits are the stories we tell ourselves and one another."

The Crazification Factor

Thanks to Nicole for posting a link to this script on FB:

Tyrone: (shrugs) Probably right, then. Speaking of Obama, I need to get t-shirts printed up to sell.

John: I can do that on the web. What do they say?

Tyrone: Don't You Dare Kill Obama

John: How about Don't You Dare Kill Obama (... and we know you're thinking about it)

Tyrone: Niiiiice.

John: Or You Kill Obama and WE WILL BURN SHIT DOWN

Tyrone: Even better. Nobody wants their shit burned down.

John: Glad to help.


Full conversation - it's a doozy.

That's the first time I've ever used the word "doozy." I'm not even sure how to spell it. Man, William Safire dies and everything just falls apart, doesn't it?

The Art of the White House

The NY Times reports that the Obamas have chosen an array of mostly contemporary & modern art to decorate The White House - see the slideshow here.

All I'm Going to Post About Letterman

What the Letterman scandal can teach nonprofit theaters

Posted by Laura Collins-Hughes on her blog Critical Difference, October 6, 2009:

I'm not going to name names -- not of the artistic director, not of his theater. But the David Letterman scandal raises an issue that applies to all bosses and all workplaces. The artistic director I'm thinking of is well known (as is his theater), straight, married and given to hitting on any reasonably attractive woman in his vicinity who has less power than he has. The drain of female talent from his theater over the years has been striking and harmful. More striking is that apparently none of the women has sued him, or the theater, which does, after all, have an obligation to protect them in the workplace. The absence of employee lawsuits against that theater may or may not hold, but the current economic climate likely gives workplace predators like that artistic director -- and there are plenty of them -- even freer rein. What better time to prey on the staff than when they're fearing for their jobs? Conversely, for boards, there's no better time to be vigilant, protecting the staff from unwelcome advances and protecting the institution from scandal, embarrassment, internal turmoil and the financial drain of legal payouts. Boards of arts organizations are often filled with people infatuated with the myth that bad behavior is inherently artistic behavior. The charisma that's so attractive in artistic leaders can also be used to charm trustees into overlooking sexual transgressions. Board types aren't always sure where the line is with creative types. But there's nothing creatively healthy or normal about a hostile work environment in which subordinates, female or male, believe they have to submit to advances if they want to be successful.

Today in Bloomberg Is a Greedy Bastard News

How do I love Bill Thompson, let me count the ways... His FB status reminds us all that today is the anniversary of Bloomie's power grab:

In 1993, New Yorkers voted in favor of a two-term limit for all elected officials. Three years later, New Yorkers then affirmed their referendum, limiting term limits to 8 years in office.

Today marks the one- year anniversary of the end of that law.

Full Article.